The perfect event for Gorillas and bananaphiles everywhere!

Woohoo!!!  I'm the star of my very own video. Well ... ok ... not STAR exactly ... but I appear in it about half way through, (in the library scene next to a huge bowl of bananas, and on a newspaper!

   I’ve heard it said that humans can be divided into two groups: those that love bananas, (known as bananaphiles) and those that hate them, (bananaphobes).

   Actually this isn’t strictly true. A true Bananaphile, (someone who eats several bunches of bananas daily, collects banana-related memorabilia, dreams about bananas, and even dresses in delicious-looking banana-yellow clothing), is probably quite rare.

(A group of Victorian bananaphiles eating their bananas!)*

   A Bananaphobe, (someone with a strong dislike of bananas, or a morbid fear of being attack by an angry banana wielding a rusty spoon) is, quite possibly, rarer still.

(A still from the film "Bananaphobia")

   Most people are bananambivalents ... they don’t really care one way or the other. Gorillas aren’t like that. Gorillas can be divided into one group only: those that love bananas, and ... well, that’s it!

   As for you humans – you CAN be divided into two groups: those that think people can be divided into two groups, and those that don't!  

*Top photo Courtesy of the Washington Banana Museum.

   What? Of course they do!

   Well, erm ... no actually, they don’t. The banana ‘tree’ might look like a tree, but herb would be a far more accurate description - the world’s largest herb, in fact!

   The banana ‘bunch’ grows on a stalk out of the ground. Okay, it’s a pretty big stalk, (growing up to 9 metres in height), but it’s still just a stalk, and is formed out of the lower ends of all the leaves overlapping each other.

   Real trees have woody trunks, and, after bearing fruit, survive for another season, then another, and so-on – year after year. But the banana plant only bears fruit for a single season, then dies. However, it leaves an underground ‘stem’ which grows into a new banana plant the following season.  Phew!!!

   Delicious but deadly! That’s bananas for you. Statistics prove it: More people are killed each year by slipping on a banana skin than from shark attacks and ingrown toenails combined!

   Here are the ten places you should absolutely NEVER drop your banana skin!

#1 At the top of a flight of stairs.

#2 Outside a store selling crystal goblets.

#3 At the exit of a maternity ward.

#4 On the rim of an active volcano.

#5 Ahead of two men carrying a piano.

#6 Beside an open sewer in a heat wave.

#7 In front of a pyramid of monkeys on a unicycle.

#8 Two steps ahead of an enormously fat woman walking a very tiny poodle.

#9 Near to an open grave.

#10 Behind someone who has just built a model of the Leaning Tower of Pisa entirely out of matchsticks.

Okay, I know they’re biodegradable, but remember ... a good bananaphile always disposes of their banana skins safely.

Postcard courtesy of the Washington Banana Museum

In response to my last post, Ruby asked “Is bananary a real word?” and rightly pointed out that if it wasn’t, it should be!

Well, that set me thinking. I’ve checked every dictionary I can get my simian hands on ... and can’t find it in any of them. In some ways this makes sense. Describing something as ‘bananary’ would almost compel you to start using comparatives like bananaier and bananaiest ... words that probably only belong in the pages of “Alice in Wonderland!” 

However, it has long been my ambition to get a NEW word officially included in the Oxford English Dictionary ... so why not bananary?

Bananary: descriptive of something closely resembling a banana in either taste, smell or appearance.

Apparently, for a word to be included in the latest dictionary, it must become part of our speech/culture on a pretty big scale, (invented words like chav, mingers, emoticon and quidditch are now included, for example). 

So, calling Banana-blog fans everywhere ... please take the following oath.

I solemnly swear that I will, from this day forward, use the word “Bananary” at least once every single day, and try to slip it into every new conversation with as many strangers as possible.

Mmmm ... perhaps I should get some badges made!?!?!?

Huzzah!!!! "The Scream" has been safely returned!

Edvard Munch's famous painting "The Scream" was stolen from a museum in Oslo a couple of years ago. Finally, police have tracked it down and have been able to recover it.

"What does this have to do with bananas?" I hear you ask. Well ... nothing really ... except that my favourite "comic" version of the scream features Homer Simpson ... and I simply can't look at him without really fancying a banana! He's so deliciously yellow!

Athletes everywhere love bananas – and use them to boost their performance. But did you know that trainers of four-legged athletes use bananas too.

Many top race horses are fed bananas regularly, and a greyhound called “Springtime” who has won both the “Wimbledon Oaks" and "Irish Derby" eats them every single day.

Mmmm ... there's another way bananas can make you run faster: try pinching one from a hungry gorilla if you want to find out how!

Back safe and sound in Scotland again. Hurrah! It's great to be home ... but, as usual, it's raining. Typical! But at least I get to try out my new banana-leaf umbrella.

It's time for this month's caption Competition. Here's the April photo ...

Can you think of an amusing caption? Click 'comments' to leave yours ... or click to see the March Captions or the February captions!

For centuries, Art critics have argued about the true identity of the beautiful Mona Lisa, and the secret behind her enigmatic smile. Many believe her to be Lisa di Gherardini, wife of Francesco del Giocondo. What few people realise is that she was a Bananaphile, and asked Leonardo da Vinci to paint her eating a banana.

It is well-known that there are several portraits of the Mona Lisa, apart from the famous painting #779 hanging in the Louvre. There is one of her sat between two columns, another of her naked.

Whether these were preparatory studies or copies by da Vinci’s students isn’t clear. However, the Banana Lisa, as it is affectionately known, has an impeccable provenance – and is believed to have been completed by da Vinci himself around 1503, (several months before the better-known portrait he decided to keep).

The Banana Lisa is now in the private art collection of Mr Gideon Apaxa (Apaxa Banana co.) – and is reproduced here by his kind permission.   

Hey … I’ve done it! I’ve reached my 100^th daily consecutive banana-post. That’s 100 fascinating ‘slices’ of banana-trivia without a break!

(Yep ... there are 100 bananas in the pic ... count 'em and see!)

I hope you won’t mind, but from now on I'm going to ease up a bit; after all, I'm a busy gorilla. I plan to post at least 3 or 4 times a week rather than be pressured to always post daily. I'll probably still post something most days ... but now, if I'm especially busy, I won't be typing in a mad panic at 3 a.m.!

Keep coming back, banana-fans … I promise there’s a whole bunch of stuff still to come!

Breaking  News: the Loch Ness Monster has finally been caught on film. The dinosaur, known as Nessie, surfaced suddenly on the loch while a local ornithologist happened to be videoing some ducks.

The film is brief and somewhat blurry, but experts from the Natural History Museum have examined it and are able to confirm that Nessie is NOT a plesiosaur, (as previously thought) – but a bananasaurus. The creature is thought to have survived from the late Cretaceous period, when a freak meteor shower probably caused the subatomic particles of a newly hatched dinosaur to fuse with a discarded banana.

Please wait for the video to download fully before playing ...

“99 Bananas” is a banana-flavoured schnapps. Sadly it isn’t called “99 Bananas” because each bottle is made from 99 bananas. No ... it’s because the schnapps is 99% proof. What else is there to say? Nothing really, because I’ve never tried it, (we gorillas don’t like alcohol).  

However, for humans (adult humans, that is) who might like to give this drink a go (purely in the interest of science), click here for a few cocktail recipes.

I had intended to post this tomorrow, as it would have been especially appropriate for my ninety-ninth banana-post. However, I have something else planned for April 1^st!

  Have you ever noticed how all banana-flavoured things taste exactly the same ... but never quite like a banana!  Artificial banana flavouring is an  ester called isoamyl acetate (CH3COOC5H11) ... mmm now doesn’t THAT sound yummy?!?

  Artificial banana flavouring is incredibly potent. Dairies which use these flavourings have to change all the non-metallic pipes and tubes after a run of banana milk shake or ice-cream. Just a couple of stray molecules of isoamyl acetate left in the PVC piping will be enough to generate the perception of banana flavour in non-banana-flavoured food. Dairies always have to make banana-flavoured milk shake their last flavour run of the day!

It’s always a good idea to put any over-ripe bananas in your freezer, all ready to pull out on baking day to use in your banana bread. However, another useful way to use frozen banana chunks is to make “instant” ice cream!

1) Use around 4 frozen bananas (peeled & thickly sliced before being frozen). Place them in a food processor.

2) Add ½ tsp vanilla essence, sugar to taste, and 75 fl oz of buttermilk.

3) Switch the food processor on and let it run for a little while. Then, while it is still running, pour in another 75 fl oz of buttermilk in a thin, steady stream. Keep the machine running until the mixture is smooth and creamy. Serve straight away. Yummy!

  If, like me, you often have so many bananas delivered that you struggle to find somewhere to put them, then here's a handy solution devised by those two inventive geniuses, Dr Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker. Otherwise entitled: "How to Store Bananas on any Vertical Surface" ...

 (Click the pic!)

Banana-Blog is 3 months old today!

Let’s all give 3 rousing cheers!

During that last 93 consecutive daily posts, Banana-Blog’s readership around the Bananaverse has grown beyond all expectations.

As a result, people from all walks of life are now taking a much deeper and more meaningful interest in bananas – sometimes, even pausing to have their photographs taken with them. At long last, it is considered the height of sophistication to be a Bananaphile!

Thank you Loyal BananaFans!

Award yourselves an extra-ripe banana without delay!

Bananas have always been popular in schools as the ideal mid-morning snack, (certain to boost levels of concentration and energy). They are easily transported in satchels and schoolbags; fit nicely into lunch-boxes; are virtually unbreakable and unspillable; and can be hygenically “unzipped” when needed!

Here’s a poem written by a “bunch” of school children celebrating their favourite fruit!